Steps to Resolve Conflict
Having conflicts with others is widely common. As much as we don’t want to, we will end one day not agreeing with an idea or show disapproval of someone that might lead to unwanted conflicts. As adults, we are expected to be rational and work things out in a civilized calm manner. Kids, however, have no idea how to properly behave when they have a fight with their siblings, schoolmates, or friends.
It comes to us, adults to help them and teach them how to manage the situation the right way.
Disagreements can be a good way for your children to practice the social skills they’ll need as adults. When disagreements among children get worked out fairly without anyone getting hurt, they start building conflict-resolution skills and empathy for others and to learn how to see other’s point-of-view. Furthermore, if kids start being taught at a young age, the less they’ll fight while growing at the same time as boosting their skills.
Conflict-resolution skills are important for creating healthy relationships, such as in friendships, at home and at the workplace. Kids who aren’t taught how to resolve a conflict might feel hopeless when an argument comes up. To help your children the best way possible, you first need to understand what motives lead kids to fight with each other.
REASONS WHY KIDS HAVE CONFLICT
There are many reasons why kids fight with one another, but the most general reasons are:
- Jealousy
Without a doubt, jealousy affects many relationships. For kids, jealousy might be felt when, for instance, their friend has a toy or a new piece of technology that they don’t. But also, if your kid wants to do the co-curricular activity but he/she isn’t as great as the other children, they might feel jealous.
- Mean Comments
A negative comment or rumour might get your kid frustrated and ready to fight someone.
- Embarrassing moments
If something that’s embarrassing for them, kids will laugh and make fun of the person the thing happened to. For example, if a kid is sick, leading to having them vomiting in the classroom, the rest of his mates might make fun of them.
- Bullies
Unfortunately, many are the kids suffering from bullying at one point or another. When the situation gets serious, kids might feel irritated, insecure and with low self-esteem.
- Fighting over a toy
Very typical is kids fighting over a toy with another kid.
- Imitating Behaviour
Kids like to imitate older people, good or bad. While at home, if the kid sees his/her parents fighting or yelling, he/she might do it at school.
- Pressure
Some kids might experience feeling pressured from a young age. This pressure can be usually derived from family issues such as divorce and money issues. This kind of pressure leads the kids to feel depressed and easily irritated.
HOW AGE INFLUENCES CONFLICT
When it comes to having a conflict, age is an important factor to consider. At the age of three to five, children are starting to cooperate, share, and take turns. Are learning about managing their feelings, express frustration in physical ways, such as fighting. At this age range, young kids need support, encouraging reminders and positive feedback.
From age five to seven, children should be doing better at sorting out problems without needing grown-ups to help. Encouragement is still very important at this age.
Finally, from eight to twelve years old, fights tend to get less physical and more verbal at the same time they are becoming more social and feel the need to get along with other children in groups.
STEPS TO RESOLVE CONFLICT
Now that you know what reasons cause disagreements and fights between children and, know how age is a determining aspect that indicates how kids will react, it’s time to learn a few tips of how to handle their fights in the best possible way.
The first thing you should never stop doing is remaining calm, even, and especially when your kid does something bad. Remember, if you want your child to grow and become a social, empathic, communicative member of our society, you must be prepared to advise and help him or she develop problem-solving skills.
1. Steps to Resolve Conflict: Dealing with Jealousy
If your kids are feeling jealous because a friend or classmate of theirs have a toy or any other item they want, it’s the perfect moment to teach them about materialist needs. Make sure they realise that just because their friend has something they don’t own, they are still worthy to be friends with. If can afford it, buy them that item but don’t forget to remind them that they won’t always have what they want and that’s okay!
However, if the feeling of jealousy has to do with your kids thinking they are less talented than the other children, the correct approach is to encourage your kids to not look up at other kids’ works and try to concentrate on their own. Teach them that everyone learns at a different pace and if they keep working hard, someday they will do great.
2. Steps to Resolve Conflict: Dealing with mean comments
Bullying and self-esteem is a sensitive topic that needs you to take an extra gentle approach. Remind them how special they are and to be positive. Give them advice. And if you see that the situation is getting out of control, don’t hesitate and take professional help.
3. Steps to Resolve Conflict: Dealing with fights over toys
If your kids fight with their siblings, friends, or schoolmates over toys, teach them how important and beautiful is to share something of yours with a friend. Remind them that if they share, their friends will share other things with them as well. Also, talk to them about the importance of being kind to one other in order to create strong friendships.
4. Dealing with pressure and imitating the behaviour
Check the facts before you act. Reflect on the reasons your kids are acting the way they are. If you think it might be because they saw something similar at home or around the family member and other grown-ups, the first thing you need to do to help your children is to change your own behaviour. Instead of punishing them for doing the exact thing the saw at home, incentive good behaviour imitation.
