Helicopter Parenting
The term “helicopter parent” was first introduced by Dr Haim Ginott in his book, Parents & Teenagers, in 1969. Dr Ginott got inspired by teens who described their parents as always hover over them like a helicopter. The truth is that many people started using the term and in 2011 became a dictionary entry. But helicopter parenting is yet to become an official or psychological term.
Helicopter parenting means parents who are overly focused on their children and take too much responsibility for their children’s experiences and their successes or failures. Some people describe these type of pf parents as “overparenting”, meaning they overprotect, overcontrol, and perfecting.
Helicopter parenting can also be referred to as cosseting, and it’s the opposite of free-range parenting, where independence and thinking for oneself are encouraged, but closely related to lawnmower parenting where a parent “mows down” — so to speak — any problem a child might face so they never feel hurt, pain, or disappointment.
WHAT HELICOPTER PARENTING LOOKS LIKE
Whether it’s standing over a teenager’s shoulder as they do their homework or shadowing a younger child each time, they ride their bike, helicopter parenting comes in many forms. Some people think it only affects teenagers and college students, but it can start at a much earlier age and continue into adulthood. Here’s a look at what helicopter parenting looks like at different stages in life.
Trying to prevent every minor fall or avoiding age-appropriate risks,
Never allowing the child to play alone,
Constantly asking the preschool teacher for progress reports,
Not encouraging developmentally appropriate independence.
Speaking with school administrators to make sure the child has a certain teacher because they are perceived as the best,
Choosing a child’s friends for them,
Enrolling them in activities without their input,
Completing homework and school projects for your child,
Refusing to let the child solve problems on their own.
Not allowing your child to make age-appropriate choices,
Becoming overly involved in their academic work and extracurricular activities to shield them from failure or disappointment,
Contacting their college professor about poor grades,
Intervening in disagreements with their friends, co-workers, or employer.
WHY HELICOPTER PARENTING HAPPENS
Helicopter parenting can develop for many reasons, such as:
Fearing the Future
Parents fear that a low grade, not entering a good college, getting cut from the team or anything else in that matter, will somehow have big negative consequences in their child’s future. So, by interfering and overprotecting, many parents believe they are preventing future unhappiness, struggles and working hard, for their child.
Feelings of Anxiety
Some parents become anxious and fall apart emotionally when they see their child hurt or disappointed, so they’ll do everything in their power to prevent that from happening. Also, worries about the economy, their child’s future job, the job market itself often triggers anxiety in parents that make them want to interfere as much as possible. But what they may not realize is that hurt, and disappointment is a part of life and help a child grow and become more resilient.
Overcompensation and Sense of Purpose
Adults who felt unloved, neglected, or ignored as children can overcompensate with their own children. Excessive attention and monitoring are attempts to remedy a deficiency the parents felt in their own upbringing. Likewise, parents who feel their only purpose is to take care of their child often gets wrapped up in their child’s accomplishments.
Peer Pressure from other Parents
When moms and dads see other over-involved parents, it can trigger a similar response. So, parents who surround themselves with helicopter parents might feel pressure to mimic this style of parenting, for fear that others will think they’re not as good of a parent if they don’t.
THE EFFECTS OF HELICOPTER PARENTING
Engaged parenting has many benefits for a child, such as feelings of love and acceptance, better self-confidence, and opportunities to grow. However, the problem begins when the parents become governed by fear and decisions based on what might instead of letting their child learn on their own. Afterwards, helicopter parenting can cause:
Decreased Confidence and Self-esteem
When the child becomes older, they may doubt their own abilities since they’ve never had to figure out anything on their own. They might feel that their parents don’t trust them to make their own decisions, and even start to question whether they’re equipped to manage their own life. Feelings of low self-confidence and low self-esteem can become so bad that they lead to other problems, like anxiety and depression. And these feelings don’t simply go away just because a child becomes older.
One study conducted in 2014, that evaluated the impact of this parenting style on college students found that students raised by so-called helicopter parents were more likely to be on medication for anxiety and depression.
Undeveloped Coping Skills
If the parent is always there to “clean up the mess” or prevent a problem from happening, when older the child might not know how to deal with certain feels, such as disappointment or even failure. Also, helicopter parenting can make children feel less competent in dealing with the stresses of life on their own because they lack conflict resolution skills.
Sense of entitlement
Children who have always had their social, academic, and athletic lives adjusted by their parents can become accustomed to always having their way and develop a sense of entitlement. That said, children can grow to believe they deserve any privilege they want, and the world will simply bend over.
Overall Undeveloped Life Skills
Parents who always tie shoes, clear plates, pack lunches, launder clothes, and monitor school progress—even after children are mentally and physically capable of doing the task—prevent them from mastering these skills themselves.
HOW TO AVOID HELICOPTER PARENTING
Avoiding or breaking free from this style of parenting is not easy and no one blames you for wanting only the best for your child. But now that you know all the effects that helicopter parenting has, and if you describe yourself as being part of this style, it’s time for loosening the reins.
In practical terms, this means letting children struggle, allowing them to be disappointed, helping them to work through failure. It means letting your children do the tasks that they’re physically and mentally capable of doing. Remember to look for opportunities to take one step back from solving your child’s problems as it’ll help you raise a resilient and self-confident kid.
